I’m so sorry for your loss. What you experienced is very emotional, and I want to reassure you first: the coins are not something bad or frightening. They are actually a deep sign of respect and remembrance, especially for military service.
What the coins mean
Leaving coins on the gravestone of a military service member is a long-standing military tradition. Each type of coin has a specific meaning:
- Penny – Someone visited to pay their respects.
- Nickel – The visitor trained with your husband.
- Dime – The visitor served with him.
- Quarter – The visitor was with him when he died, or they served together very closely.
In all cases, the message is essentially:
“You are not forgotten.”
Why people leave them
- Fellow service members often leave coins to honor a fallen comrade, especially if they don’t know the family personally.
- It allows them to show respect without intruding on your grief.
- The coins also traditionally help with cemetery upkeep, symbolizing care for the resting place.
Why it felt scary
Grief can make unexpected things feel overwhelming or unsettling—especially something you weren’t expecting and didn’t understand. That reaction is completely normal, particularly so soon after your loss. But please know:
- No one was doing anything harmful
- No one was trying to send a disturbing message
- This was an act of honor, solidarity, and respect
Many military spouses later say that learning this tradition brought them comfort—knowing that others still remember and honor their loved one.
If you’d like, I can also explain:
- Whether you should leave the coins or remove them
- How common this is
- Or how other families experience this tradition
And again, I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone.
